I planned to write about my half marathon weekend in Virginia Beach today but something else is coming up for me and as we used to say in Brooklyn, I need to keep it real (insert joke my kids would make about how old my slang is.) If you would bear with me and my emotional rant, I promise to tell you about my race weekend later this week…
Yesterday someone close to me asked me what was wrong with me and remarked that I seemed unhappy. They commented – isn’t there a book I need to read for that? (Clearly this was not a self-help book fan.) In the moment, I was less than amused by the comment. And so I went for a run. It helped … a little.
This morning I am acknowledging the shift in my mood over the past week or maybe more. I could air my complaints about things that pissed me off recently or are currently annoying me. I could blame it on the weather. BUT I’m not sure that would be helpful to any of us. Instead I am going to make a list for myself of things that are making me unhappy or upset and then go through the list to figure out which of the items I have control or even influence over. Then I need to let the other things go! I have to think about the changes that I can make to get myself back to better place AND START DOING THEM.
Of course there are the basics: consistent workouts, healthy eating and getting enough sleep. I have been getting a ton of sleep but still feel tired. This could be mental as well. Sometimes sleep is the easiest way to hide from the world. It’s not something I consciously do, but when I am even skipping calls from my BFF, I should probably realize that something is up with me. I sometimes wonder if other people get into these places where they are feeling lonely but avoid the people they can talk to. Instead it all stays bottled up and manifests itself in how I show up (or don’t show up) in life.
On top of that, I have had some looming fears about the health of my dog and some other family things that I cannot control. But probably it is better to handle this by choosing gratitude for time I have with my people (and my pup).
In hindsight, both of my kids asked me what was wrong two days in a row when I got home from work. Nothing had happened at work. As a matter of fact, I enjoy my job for the most part. They are just SO intuitive! (Which is ironic since they never hear me when I say, pick up your laundry from the floor) Seriously though, I am fine, just not at my best. I want to show up at my best so it’s about figuring out how to get out of the gray and back into the bright colors.
So, now what. I’m open to suggestions. But, this is a good start, right?